Welcome to Wedding Planning: Tips & Advice
Congratulations, you’re engaged! After the first wave of excitement passes, couples often jump right into planning. These early stages typically include starting a rough draft guest list, talking with family about financial support, creating (or revisiting) a dream Pinterest Board, and starting to set up a budget to fit your lifestyle and vision.
Sticker Shock is a common reaction during these early stages, as couples navigate this new-to-them market and are looking at items and services for the first time. In my experience, adding parents into the conversation brings in old pricing figures from their weddings 20+ years ago.
However, at the end of the day, you should be celebrating how YOU want to - whether that’s a trip to the courthouse, a week-long destination celebration, or a 250+ person party.
Wedding Budget 101
Discuss your goals with your partner
Walking into planning blind is the fastest way to have a negative experience. Before reaching out to vendors or family, sit down with your partner and have an open discussion. We love making this a date night, after the newly engaged bliss fades! Some topics to discuss include:
How do you currently picture your wedding celebration? Is it the traditional ceremony & reception, an elopement, a quick courthouse trip, or something in between?
What are your most important features for your wedding? Is it important to have all 15 of your cousins in attendance? Have you always dreamed of a huge floral display? Do you prefer to dance the night away to a live band instead of a DJ?
How much can you realistically afford, without the help from family? Even if you know your family is contributing, it is important to know how much you both feel comfortable spending. If you are just covering your bills now, adding the costs of a wedding is going to add stress into your relationship, so it’s best to be upfront and honest about your financial expectations.
What are you most excited about for this experience? If your partner is anything like mine, his priorities were: 1) Marrying me specifically and 2) Getting to party with his long-distance best friends. My priorities were: 1) Marrying him specifically and 2) Having our immediate family & bridal party feel included so they knew how important they are to us. Knowing this, we were able to set realistic expectations for each other in our minds, which helped avoid pointless arguments down the road. I knew he didn’t care what the party looked like, so if I showed him a million invitation examples or floral inspiration pictures, I’d be met with disinterest and hurt my own feelings.
Realistic Expectations = Positive and Excited Conversations Throughout the Planning Process
Get your support people involved
Figure out early who is contributing what. If you are hosting the event all alone, it’s important that you factor in all the associated costs. The tradition used to be that the Bride’s family paid for/contributed to the reception and the Groom’s family hosted/paid for the rehearsal dinner, but that’s not always the norm.
If you have someone contributing, you both need to know the expectation.
What are they contributing towards? Are they wanting to contribute to a specific thing, such as the wedding dress, rehearsal dinner, open bar?
Do they want to be involved in the planning for that contribution? Some families will give a flat amount or offer to cover a specific part of the wedding day, but don’t want to make any decisions about those parts. For example, I know a lot of fathers who wanted to pay for the wedding dress, but absolutely did not want to be a part of the shopping experience. Other contributions come from someone who wants to plan their part of the wedding day or have a specific vision in mind. In my experience, Groom’s families who cover the rehearsal dinner often have an idea of what they want on the menu or on the open bar during that event.
Do they have any non-financial contributions that they are expecting? Not all help is financial! Do they have a list of friends or family that they feel strongly should be invited? Are they wanting to help store, transport, or set up/clean up any of your decor? Do they want to be left out of it and only have the responsibility of any other guest?
Set your guidelines
After knowing the wide parameters for your budget, list out the priority vendors. Now, you can start booking with your more important vendors first, which helps ensure you have the budget for them first.
Order your vendors based on your priority. Dreaming of a waterfront backdrop? Set aside money for your perfect venue first. Don’t care about florals or invitations? Either allot a small amount now, or wait to see what you have left after your other items are booked.
Lock in the expensive items first. Look at the big tickets vendors first, so you know where the bulk of your budget will need to be. Usually, the most expensive must-have sections are venue, food, & beverage. By doing this, if you know you’re saving in the venue section, you can rearrange and have a larger portion for florals.
Use a budget tool
From an online account like The Knot, a Google Sheet, or even a physical paper chart in your wedding binder, tracking your expenses is the easiest way to stay focused on your spending during the planning phase.
Setting hard limits for specific sections will help you pick vendors within your needs.
Having sectioned areas also helps keep track of the purchases made over the entire planning process. Similar to grabbing a coffee everyday, you’ll see a ton of small purchases throughout planning. Making sure to track those will not only help you remember what you already have for your wedding, but also holds you accountable to any strict budgets.
Having an updated, shared file will help make sure everyone is on the same page.
Stick to your boundaries
I’m sure you’ve heard that weddings can bring out the worst in people. Preparing for any awkward situations is a great way to protect your planning experience, so SET THOSE BOUNDARIES AND STICK WITH THEM!! Some popular examples include:
Are you easily peer-pressured? Be sure to communicate your needs from the conversation when voicing your opinion.
“I really love the menu we’ve chosen, so please do not offer any alternative suggestions”
“I am really struggling to narrow down my color scheme, do you have any feedback or suggestions?”
“Look at this photographer we decided on, we love their style and can’t wait to book them!”
“I have no idea where to start with our guest list. Can you help by putting together a list of people you think should be on our list?”
Wanting some privacy through planning? Some ideas for how to share that wish:
“We are super excited to share some details with you through planning, but we want to have a grand reveal for everyone so we aren’t sharing everything”
“We are taking this opportunity to plan it alone to savor this special time together”
“You’ll be the first we send anything that’s need-to-know!”
Having issues with something during planning? Be open with your partner, so you can approach the problem as a team.
Ask for help
Still lost on your budget or planning stage and need some help? Look for a professional! Whether you need full planning, day-of coordination, or just a one-off meeting for advice, there are tons of wedding professionals that can help. If you already have a vendor or venue coordinator booked, feel free to ask for their opinion and advice on various topics (but not all vendors offer budget assistance).
Finding a full planner or day-of planner with additional support options can be a huge asset of weddings of all sizes, shapes, and forms. You should look at their portfolios, have a introductory meeting, and interview with a few options before booking. Working with a planner should be a positive, exciting experience so it’s important that you hire someone who matches your personality and style.
